I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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