thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
