ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
