I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
