Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
