he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
