I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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