Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
