I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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