I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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