one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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