There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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