I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize