I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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