here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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