Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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