Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize