Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
did i just pee glitter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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