your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
