I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
