all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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