i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
