bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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