why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
