I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
