take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
