hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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