Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize