He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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