How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize