Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
