I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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