I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize