They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
