smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize