Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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