Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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