If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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