Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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