Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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