Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ladies don't puke and tell
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
