So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
