So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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