New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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