I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize