BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
