WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
