i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
