You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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