remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
