Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
