I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
