Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
