i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
