I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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