Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
