She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
