so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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