Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
