I smell stomach acid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
