i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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