i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
