just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
