My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
