but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
