I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
