ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
