Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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