Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
