well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
