Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
