I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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