he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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