Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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