and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
