I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
