sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
