Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
