yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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