can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
