I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
