3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
