so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
